And then the fight began - hope you enjoy

[69grngt]

> > My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping
> > channels.
> > She asked, 'What's on TV?'
> > I said, 'Dust.'
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ******************************************
> >
> > My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"
> > while we were in bed.
> > I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
> > "No," she answered.
> > I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
> > She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying,
> > "Yes."
> > So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
> > And then the fight started....
> >
> > ******************************************
> >
> > Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
> > lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
> > I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back
> > out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph,
> > so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and
> > discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
> > I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped
> > back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a
> > different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out
> > there is terrible."
> > My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my
> > stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
> > And that's how the fight started....
> >
> > ******************************************
> >
> > I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were
> > alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of
> > his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed
> > and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't
> > believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
> > He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I
> > AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
> > So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one
> > are you?"
> > And then the fight started.....
> >
> > *****************************************
> >
> > My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
> > anniversary.
> > She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150
> > in about 3 seconds.'
> > I bought her a scale.
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ******************************************
> >
> > When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take
> > her someplace expensive...
> > so, I took her to a gas station.
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ******************************************
> >
> > After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to
> > apply
> > for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me
> > for my driver's license to verify my age.. I looked in my
> > pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told
> > the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home
> > and come back later.
> > The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt
> > revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair
> > on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my
> > Social Security application
> > When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
> > experience at the Social Security office.
> > She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might
> > have gotten disability, too.'
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ******************************************
> >
> > My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school
> > reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her
> > drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
> > My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
> > 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she
> > took to drinking right after we split up those many years
> > ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
> > 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go
> > on celebrating that long?'
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ******************************************
> >
> > I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some
> > reason,
> > took my order first."I'll have the strip steak, medium
> > rare, please."
> > He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
> > "Nah, she can order for herself."
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ******************************************
> >
> > A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
> > She is not happy with what she sees and says to her
> > husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I
> > really need you to pay me a compliment.'
> > The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
> > And then the fight started...
>

[ungermm]

That was the hardest I've laughed all week. There are some great ones in there.

[rrossjr]

>
> > A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
> > She is not happy with what she sees and says to her
> > husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I
> > really need you to pay me a compliment.'
> > The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
> > And then the fight started...
>

Funny stuff.
I showed it to my wife...and then the fight started!
Ron in Indy

[heimue]

Funny stuff.
I showed it to my wife...and then the fight started!
Ron in Indy

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH

[deanh74_2]

I was looking for a laugh this morning! Its been a LOOONG week.

Thanks!!

Dean

[opelbits]

In a similar vein--

We were folding laundry when I held up a pair of her underwear and asked, "Are these yours?"...

(true story. I knew they were hers, but it took her a second and the look on her face was priceless.)

[Dennis Texas]

loved the 0 to 150

[myopels]

Love your post! It's nice to see some really good humor, thanks-gerold

[newman27]

These are good. I rarely tell jokes because I have no delivery skills but told a few of these at a cookout yesterday and they went over great!

[opelnut10]

Funny stuff.
I showed it to my wife...and then the fight started!
Ron in Indy

Woman standing in the bathroom after a shower, said to her husband "I thought a nice hot shower would make me feel better, but I still feel like I'm coming down with something." Husband looked at her and said "you may be coming down with Furniture Diease, looks like your chest is trying to fall in your drawers" then the fight started....