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Pedal Smasher
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These were taking from another forum, some of these are priceless in comedic value. Enjoy.

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology
at the Poison Control Center. Today, this woman called in very
upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants.
I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there
would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.
She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to
mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in
order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her
daughter in to the Emergency room right away.

********************

Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the field
decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were
successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they
took it for a float on the river, they were quite surprised by a
Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that
the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator that is
activated when the raft is inflated.
They are no longer employed there.

******************

A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a
downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this
iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing
in line waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to
worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call
the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the
Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After
waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells
Fargo teller. She read it and surmising from his spelling
errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told
him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was
written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would
either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to
Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. The
Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a
few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of
America.

*********************

Drug Possession Defendant, Christopher Jansen, on trial in March
in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a
warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant
because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun.
"Nonsense," said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the
same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge
could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the
pocket and laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to
compose himself.

*********************

Oklahoma City: Dennis Newton was on trial in a district court
for the armed robbery of a convenience store when he fired his
lawyer. Assistant District Attorney Larry Jones said Newton,
47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store
manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up,
accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should have blown
your (expletive) head off." The defendant paused, then quickly
added, "if I'd been the one that was there." The jury took 20
minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30-year sentence.

*********************

R.C. Gaitlan, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were
showing their squad car computer equipment to children in a
Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the
officer asked him for identification. Gaitlan gave them his
drivers license, they entered it into the computer, and moments
later they arrested Gaitlan because information on the screen
showed Gaitlan was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in
St. Louis, Missouri.

*********************

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and
demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier
put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he
wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to
put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said, "Because I
don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the
clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe
him. At this point the robber took his drivers license out of
his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over
and agreed that the man was in fact over 21, and he put the
scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his
loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name
and address of the robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.

*********************

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously
waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"
When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

************************************

Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert,
an hour east of Bakersfield, California, a woman new to boating
was having a problem. No matter how hard she tried, she just
couldn't get her brand new 22-ft Bayliner to perform. It
wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in
almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied.

After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to
a nearby marina. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong.

A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect
working order. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and
down, the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the
marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up
choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
(wait for it........)

(remember, this is supposed to be true.......)

Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the
trailer!

***I wasn't sure if the last one was true at all, but Snopes had some interesting info.
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/its-a-boat-time/
 

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Pedal Smasher
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